I see a lot of people write “life updates” on Facebook. Mostly young people around my own age, they just try to update all of their family and friends on what’s been going on in their life recently. I guess that’s what this is, sort of. However, in this post, I’m going to delve deep into the past year of my life and say some things that most people may hold back when speaking publicly. You can read it, you can ignore it, I don’t care. But I’m writing this story because I’m proud of it and because I hope it can bring hope to those who need it.
If you asked me to describe the past year of my life in one word, I’d respond with this: tumultuous. Merriam-Webster describes the word tumultuous as this: “marked by violent or overwhelming turbulence or upheaval.” My year was just that. For those of you who don’t know, I made the move to college around this time last year in August 2017. I moved from all I’d ever known in Amarillo, Texas to a new state, a new city, and a new life five hours away. I wasn’t ready.
I was thrown into a world different than I’d ever seen. Throughout the year, my lifestyle changed entirely, my friend group changed entirely, my core beliefs even changed. However, these changes are not uncommon for your average college freshman. It’s expected to encounter these life-altering changes when you live on your own for the first time. But how are you going to respond to them? Where do you put your priorities? What do you care about most in your life? And can you move on from your past lifestyle, your past friend group, and your past beliefs?
Many students make the transition from high school to college seamlessly. They’re thrown into that new world, and they love it. Many don’t. I didn’t. I experienced homesickness and wanderlust at the exact same time. I never felt at home. In Stillwater, at school, I felt a deep longing to just go back home. In Amarillo, at my house, I missed my life at school. I couldn’t be comfortable, and continually traveled back and forth from Stillwater to Amarillo at every chance, searching for somewhere to call home.
College is supposed to be the prime of your life. That’s what so many people say, anyways. So why was I at my lowest point? Why was I experiencing real depression for the first time in my life? Why did my life seem to be spiraling out of control? Why wasn’t I living the life everyone told me I would live in college? What was I doing wrong? I couldn’t let go. I couldn’t fully immerse myself into my new life, because I was holding onto my old one. I found myself feeling tied back by people who shouldn’t have even been in the picture. I felt as if I was living for them, pouring myself out to them, but paying little to no attention to myself. There was a hole in my heart that I kept trying to fill, but never made any progress. How do you fix that?
As I geared up for my second semester, I made a promise to myself. I promised myself that I would love life differently. That I would make a clear, visible change in my life. I was going to turn it around. I set goals. Lots of them. I was going to make straight A’s, lose weight, make friends, and improve every aspect of my life. Life is what you make it, right? I was going to make it better. I didn’t.
My second semester was everything that the first was and more. I felt miserable, uncaring, and useless. My whole life, I’d had a clear sense of self-identity and who I was. I lost that. Who was I? What was my purpose? Where was I going? I had no idea. Like I said, more of the same continued, but there was a glimmer.
Since I was a child, I’ve been enamored with Walt Disney World, as millions of people are. It offered me peace and happiness in times of chaos in my life. Things didn’t go wrong there. I never felt lost, I never felt useless, I certainly never felt depressed. In many ways, it was the home I was looking for. In 6th grade, I was on a family trip in line at one of their famous rides, Soarin’, and the attendant told us that she was a college student living and working there for 6 months before she moved back to school. My mother, in typical fashion, said “You could do that Preston!” I laughed it off. Sure, mom. Whatever you say. From that point on, working at Disney World became a dream of mine for the future. But that’s all it ever was: a dream.
Little did I know, seven years later I’d meet someone at Oklahoma State University who would go on to tell me that in spring 2017, she lived and worked in Disney World for 6 months before she moved back to Stillwater. She told me about the application process, and all the details of it. At that moment, the dream became something more. It became a possibility. Suddenly, I found myself researching all about the insanely selective Disney College Program. I read countless articles about how to get accepted, watched hours and hours worth of YouTube videos. I didn’t care how long it took me, I was going to work at Disney World. When the day came, I applied.
I remember sitting in Linguetti’s, a pizzeria on campus, intensely looking over my application. Everything had to be perfect. No mistakes, no slip-ups, no mishaps. After that, I sent in my application. And then, I waited. And waited. And waited. For an entire month, I waited, hearing nothing from Disney. With each day, my dream became less and less possible. I caught myself slipping backwards into the downbeat life I had finally made progress getting out of. But then, another glimmer.
Disney emailed me a link to a “WBI,” short for web-based interview. The WBI is an online personality survey to see what you’re like in and out of the workplace. It’s pass/fail: if you pass, you’re immediately asked to schedule a phone interview. If you fail, you’re out of the running. I passed. One thing led to another, and two months after my initial application, I was accepted into the Disney College Program.
My job was to be QSFB: quick service food and beverage. It meant I was to be serving in one of their large cafeteria-style restaurants, or working an outdoor vendor cart. It wasn’t the most glamorous job at Disney, and it’s not exactly what I’d pictured when applying… but none of that mattered. I was going to be working at Walt Disney World. My dream was a reality.
Two weeks after I got in, Disney held an audition in Dallas, 4 hours away from my school. This audition was for College Program applicants, whether they’d officially been accepted or not. An audition was the only way to throw your name in the hat to be a character performer at Disney, my ultimate dream job. To work at Disney World had always been a dream, but to be a performer at Disney was on a level far higher than simply “to work at Disney World.” It was my ultimate dream. Never in a million years did I ever think it was attainable, and I was completely okay with that.
I knew I’d already been accepted, but I figured… why not go to the audition? What can I lose? I’m already in, this will be a fun experience! I can tell people that I auditioned for Disney! There was no pressure on me to do well whatsoever. I wasn’t nervous. I wasn’t worried. I wasn’t stressed. I walked in the doors with a smile on my face, and with one goal: enjoy the experience. That day remains one of the most fun days of my life. Although I was surrounded by people much more talented than me in dancing, performing, and athleticism, I didn’t care. I was there to have fun. I made it past the initial cut, and down to the top 40 people from about 160. When I walked out the doors, I had just as big of a smile on my face as when I walked in. Despite this, I still had zero expectation to actually get the job.
Two weeks following my audition, I woke up to an email from Disney on spring break. I read the title: “Role Change Requested.” I read the contents and was so shellshocked that I audibly said to my phone “Shut. Up.” Immediately, I told my friends and family the news. My ultimate dream, my unattainable fantasy, my true dream job, was now a reality. Wow.
Since that moment, I can honestly say that my life has been on a consistent upswing with no signs of slowing down. I finished my semester happier than I’d been the whole year, and summer of 2018 has been nothing but good to me. I was able to return to Amarillo and go back to my roots, and see what’s important in life and how I want to live. And now, I’m ready. I have a clear vision of what my life will be, and for the first time, I’m living for me. I’m done living in my own past, it’s time to take life by the reins and never turn back. As I write this, I’m in the car, driving through Georgia. Tonight, I’ll arrive in Orlando. Monday, I’ll move into my new apartment in Walt Disney World.
Life is odd. It will throw you down hard. It will beat you up. It will flatten you and leave you feeling lifeless and permanently stuck. But it never, and I mean never, stays that way.
I was at a point I’d never been. I was in a place I never dreamed I’d actually find myself in.
But then, an opportunity presented itself. The opportunity of a lifetime. I have had multiple people my age, older than me, and younger than me all tell me the same thing: “You’re living my dream. You’re giving me hope. You’re inspiring me to go and live out my dreams.” There is no greater thing to hear. Considering where I was just months ago, it’s astonishing the doors that have been opened for me and the way life has provided for me. The night is darkest just before the dawn. Now…
I’m at a point I’ve never been. I’m in a place I never dreamed I’d actually find myself in.
If you’re reading this and wondering what my plans are regarding my long-term future, I can’t give you a solidified answer for much. I’m still looking, still searching. But I’m exploring for me. I’m focused on me in a way I’ve never been before, and it feels good. In the spring of 2019, I intend to return to Oklahoma State University. Currently, I’m studying business, but I’m open to making some changes. Like I said, I’m still exploring. But now, I’m intently focused and centered on myself and my future.
Things are different. I’m trying to take everything in that I can. I want to open myself to every option life has to offer. I’m 19 years old and I’ve already lived in 3 cities. I want to see it all and do it all. And I want to move and impact so many people along the way. In the future, my backyard could be anywhere in the world. But for now, I’ll stick with my current backyard. Because, you know… it has a castle.
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